Why Do I Hate People
I want to be clear about this, I do love people today. I do not like to use the phrase I hated people in the past, but I did have a problem with people in the past and maybe you are experiencing this yourself right now. Everyone I trusted in the past betrayed me and broke my heart, I will admit I am more sensitive then I wish I was. I never left many people really know me, but the ones I did disappointed me and this really knocked me into severe anxiety and depression.
To be completely honest with you, it took me close to two decades to start loving people again. For one I was in so much emotional pain from my childhood, then my pain went from my childhood to my marriage. I have never been a me person, all my life I have sacrificed for the people in my life which I loved. I really never was angry with anyone, I just hurt so dang bad inside I had no love left to give to anyone for such a long time.
The first step for me to even begin to be able to love again was I had to forgive everyone in my past, even though this was not for those who hurt me and was so I could begin to heal. It was the most difficult thing I ever had to do, these people betrayed me and disappointed me and gave me other feelings I could never even describe. My relationship with these people are no better, it is just forgiving them has lifted much of my emotional pain which I have been holding inside of me for such a long time.
Even Harder Trusting Again
This one took me even longer to manage to be able to do, trusting someone with your heart is very difficult when you have been betrayed by the ones you loved and trusted in the past. I do trust people more now then I have in a very long time, I would not say I trust people totally quite yet but I can give people more trust then in the past. This really takes time and meeting enough people to build a true trust in them, but there is always the fear of betrayal in your mind. Best just to try to give people a chance to be your friend, if your like me you will hold back and not let them know all of you at one time. I think it might be wise to take this slow, better to take it slow then too quickly and be hurt again.
Learning To Love Yourself Again
Being a very high anxiety child, I never really learned how to love myself. How can you love others when you can’t even love yourself, my low self-esteem all my life kept me from loving myself. I had no confidence in myself, actually I did not even like myself all that much as a child. I never thought I was good enough, being a perfectionist as a child sure did not help me any. I guess for me the first part of this goal was I had to learn everything did not have to be perfect to be alright, then just maybe I could start liking myself a little. Today I am happier with myself, sure I like myself okay now. I really can’t say I love myself quite yet, there are still some things I wish to improve about myself before I can totally love me.
These are the steps I had to take before I could love people again, even though there are only a few steps in this process they are the most difficult steps I ever took in my entire life. For most of you it is going to take time to get through these steps, it just depends how much emotional pain you have inside of you waiting to get out. It will take much of your courage to do every one of these steps, I hope some of you will take advantage of the resources I am sharing with you. It took me a lot of research to overcome my problem loving people again, I am doing my best to give you resources which will speed up your recovery quicker then mine.