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Why Do I Hate People- How To Love People Again

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Why Do I Hate People

 

I want to be clear about this, I do love people today. I do not like to use the phrase I hated people in the past, but I did have a problem with people in the past and maybe you are experiencing this yourself right now. Everyone I trusted in the past betrayed me and broke my heart, I will admit I am more sensitive then I wish I was. I never left many people really know me, but the ones I did disappointed me and this really knocked me into severe anxiety and depression.

 

how to love people again

 

The Pain

 

To be completely honest with you, it took me close to two decades to start loving people again. For one I was in so much emotional pain from my childhood, then my pain went from my childhood to my marriage. I have never been a me person, all my life I have sacrificed for the people in my life which I loved. I really never was angry with anyone, I just hurt so dang bad inside I had no love left to  give to anyone for such a long time.

 

emotional pain

 

Forgiving

 

The first step for me to even begin to be able to love again was I had to forgive everyone in my past, even though this was not for those who hurt  me and was so I could begin to heal. It was the most difficult thing I ever had to do, these people betrayed me and disappointed me and gave me other feelings I could never even describe. My relationship with these people are no better, it is just forgiving them has lifted much of my emotional pain which I have been holding inside of me for such a long time.

 

forgiving

 

Even Harder Trusting Again

 

This one took me even longer to manage to be able to do, trusting someone with your heart is very difficult when you have been betrayed by the ones you loved and trusted in the past. I do trust people more now then I have in a very long time, I would not say I trust people totally quite yet but I can give people more trust then in the past. This really takes time and meeting enough people to build a true trust in them, but there is always the fear of betrayal in your mind. Best just to try to give people a chance to be your friend, if your like me you will hold back and not let them know all of you at one time. I think it might be wise to take this slow, better to take it slow then too quickly and be hurt again.

 

trusting again

 

Learning To Love Yourself Again

 

Being a very high anxiety child, I never really learned how to love myself. How can you love others when you can’t even love yourself, my low self-esteem all my life kept me from loving myself. I had no confidence in myself, actually I did not even like myself all that much as a child. I never thought I was good enough, being a perfectionist as a child sure did not help me any. I guess for me the first part of this goal was I had to learn everything did not have to be perfect to be alright, then just maybe I could start liking myself a little. Today I am happier with myself, sure I like myself okay now. I really can’t say I love myself quite yet, there are still some things I wish to improve about myself before I can totally love me.

 

love yourself

 

Final Thought

 

These are the steps I had to take before I could love people again, even though there are only a few steps in this process they are the most difficult steps I ever took in my entire life. For most of you it is going to take time to get through these steps, it just depends how much emotional pain you have inside of you waiting to get out. It will take much of your courage to do every one of these steps, I hope some of you will take advantage of the resources I am sharing with you. It took me a lot of research to overcome my problem loving people again, I am doing my best to give you resources which will speed up your recovery quicker then mine.

 

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14 Comments

  • Ash @ Spit Up and Sit Ups says:

    You really opened up to us here. Thank you for sharing your struggles with us. Have the books you linked helped you? I am not struggling, but know someone who is and it is hard to watch and feel like you can’t help them. I’d love to pass some information along.

    • admin says:

      Thank You Ash

      The resources I have shared are very beneficial for anyone going through tough times in that area, I have read so many books on these issues and they have helped me and I am trying to pass them along to help others as well.

      I do write my articles from my heart and my experiences,

      Jeff

      If your friend needs to talk have them email me

      jeff@lifebeginswithyourhealth.com

  • Hakan says:

    Nice post, I live by the rule: “such an approach, such a respons”. You seem like very down to earth and humble person, that is really good… I like how you can put words to your feelings. I was wondering how was your method to forgive the people who hurt you?

    • admin says:

      Thank You Hakan

      I do appreciate your reading my article and leaving your comment, as for your question. I wrote a letter of forgiving to my ex wife. My father I told him in person, neither thanked me for my forgiving them in their eyes they did nothing wrong but it did help me to let go of those feelings and begin to heal.

      Jeff

  • Margaret says:

    Why is it we often carry our grudges around like a badge of honor? I have always been about to forgive people but I’m afraid I can never forget Is it even possible? When someone lies to me they destroy any trust I have in them and I never believe a word they say after that. Is it possible to move past this? I have never actively hated anyone but I have disliked some people. I think hate is a very strong and destructive emotion don’t you?

    • admin says:

      Thank You Margaret

      I am just like you, I have never hated anyone in my entire life. I do not forget what the people in my past did to me, but forgiving them has lifted a lot of emotional baggage inside of me. That is the whole point of forgiving, it is for us not them.

      Jeff

  • Justin says:

    Hello,

    I myself have tried to learn to love again. There were times that I would be at the end of a bottle and wake up feeling worse emotionally than I started. It wasn’t until I started to looking into the reasons that I hated the ones around me that I realized I hated myself!

    Your post is inspiring! I will definitely check out the books that you recommended. I am always looking for new ways to improve myself.

    • admin says:

      Thank You Justin

      I am happy to hear your not using the bottle to handle your anxiety any longer, I too had a problem with people and once I forgave the people who hurt me and learned how to love myself people started to look much nicer to me.

      Jeff

  • jazzy323 says:

    Wow, what a powerful article which will resonate with a lot of people. As a person who has gone through a lot of pain in my life, I wholeheartedly agree that forgiveness is the way forward and you rid of all the negativity and the baggage that comes with hate. It’s toxic

    • admin says:

      Thank You Jazzy

      Yes Jazzy, it is amazing how forgiving the ones in your past who hurt you helps you start the process of healing. I held my past pain way to long, which really prolonged my healing process.

      Jeff

  • Nigel R. says:

    Hi there Jeff,

    I am so sorry to read about your experience with betrayal in your life. Only the people whom are close to you can truly hurt you in such a way. I’m glad thou that you have found peace and tranquility again. and that you have learned to love once more. It couldn’t have been easy.

    • admin says:

      Thank You Nigel

      I also am grateful for how my life has turned out compared to my past, never giving up does pay off eventually. Now I live to help others, simple because it gives me great joy to love others today.

      Jeff

  • Engaging with personal touch says:

    Your site is very engaging and eye catching. The structure really seems to flow with the message you are trying to get across to your readers.

    For example…The pain… your personal input and then tying that to a favorite book works for me and I am sure other people. You are offering some personal insight and then more information on the topic.

    • admin says:

      Thank You

      I am writing my articles more from my own experience and from my heart then anything else, I am sharing resources I hope people will give a try they have helped so many other people so why not them.

      Jeff

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