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How Divorce Effects Children-Even More Serious Then Many Realize



How Divorce Effects Children


Many times divorce effects children much more severely then anyone realizes, children are very emotional and such a dramatic experience can cause them many serious emotionally problems. Many time the arguing between the divorced couple in front of the children is a major trigger, especially so because the majority of the time these arguments are about the children in one way or another.


children and anxiety


Anxiety & Depression


Believe it or not, the majority of children suffer mild to moderate anxiety and depression in the result of a divorce. This is a very dramatic change in a child or children’s lives, emotional dramatic experiences are a major trigger for both anxiety and depression. The arguing does not always cease after divorce between a couple, there is the financial stress of adjustment  plus the couples often argue about things such as how often each parent has the children and how the children are raised.


children and divorce


The Divorce


When a couple are not getting along and are arguing most of the time about everything sadly divorce is more likely the best solution, your children more likely are experiencing anxiety and depression even before the divorce. My parents did not divorce despite how they argued and become very violent , especially my father would smash things in our home against the walls causing much anxiety in my life at a very early age. This was the dramatic experience which triggered my anxiety issues, I was always a very anxious child and very quiet afraid to speak out because at home my father would scream at me and to survive I learned not to talk any more then I absolutely had too.


raising anxious children


How The Child Feels


Experiencing anxiety from my parents constant arguing and violence I understand how a child feels during this time, even though my parents never divorced legally. My father started working very long hours and the night shift, so in many ways my life felt like I was actually a divorced child. I rarely seen my father after he changed his work schedule and new lifestyle, even though this did solve the arguing and violence pretty much it did not relieve my anxiety levels. Some of the  symptoms I experienced are:

Crying Myself To Sleep Most Nights



Grudge Against My Father

Self Guilt

Low Self Esteem

Negative Thoughts & Feelings

Constant Worry & Fear

Emotional Pain

School Problems

Social Problems


anxiety and depression


Divorced Child As An Adult


Many times sadly the divorced child grows up into an adult and experiences divorce themselves, all their anxiety issues just keeps becoming more severe as the years go by if they do not learn how to deal with them. History did repeat itself in my own life, I am divorced with three grown up sons. My ex abandoned me when my health become so severe I was unable to function physically or emotionally, my own bad marriage was another trigger in my life. My coping skill as a child and an adult was to be physically active enough to burn my anxiety away, when I lost this coping skill to my health problems I had no way to cope any longer and hit rock bottom.


coping skills


Helping Your Child


Before you can help your child you have to know your child is in need of help, many times the child is keeping all their thoughts, feelings and fears inside and this is the main reason their anxiety and depression issues become so severe later in their lives. Looking for signs of changes in your child’s behavior is your best clue something is wrong with your child,

Change in Personality

Eating Habits

Less Social

Rarely Smile

Isolates In Their Bedroom More Then Usually

Anything Not Normal & Unhealthy For Your Child

Loss Of Interests


coping workbook


Final Thought


Divorce is an extremely dramatic emotional experience for all involved, many times the parents are hurting so much they may not notice their child is not acting like themselves. Often people presume time will heal everyone involved in the divorce family, often this is not the case and it does effect the child later in adult life. Like any relationship good communication between the parents and the child is a must, both parents love their child or children with all their heart  and most of the damage is not intentionally from either party. I hope these resources will help anyone going through a divorce at this time with children, there are also adult workbooks available to recover and move on after divorce.


coping skills g ame


20 thoughts on “How Divorce Effects Children-Even More Serious Then Many Realize

  1. Your article on the effects of divorce on children really hit home. Although there have been no divorces in my family, I have known plenty of friends that have gone through it. It’s the child that suffers the most, wondering if they did something to cause it. Often, sadly they suffer in silence. Thanks for such a meaningful post.

    1. Thank You Ruth Chicago

      I appreciate you kind word for my divorced children article, the children often times are dramatically effected for the rest of their lives after going through a divorce. I hope these resources benefit some families, especially the children.


  2. hi jeff,
    i am thank fully not in that situation but know someone close who got divorced, she has 2 daughters similar age to mine. i know they still love their father and visit him often, but although i have not asked, i am sure they wish both mother and father were together. i do not know how the kids are mentally but you are right in that children do get affected at least mentally. that in itself is a recipe for trouble in their own upcoming adulthood. unfortunately parents do not think of that when they argue. emotions take control. we and my mrs have our normal tit tats but we try to do it away from the kids. kids are smart. they are emotional and sensitive. and of course they pick things up quick. kids learn quick. they are a reflection of the parents. i hope things get better for you. thanks for sharing. hopefully future parents will be smart as the kids and do the right thing. whatever a parent does or says, they should take a look at their kids first before opening their mouth or taking physical action.

    1. Thank You Arif

      I could not have put it in words any better then you have, my parents did not solve their problems in private and this did have a huge impact on my entire life. I am much improved today through my own experimentation and research, but I lost many of the joys children and teens enjoy because I was just too anxious to go and socialize and enjoy my life.

      Children are effected weather we see it or not,


  3. Hi, you have written a very realistic article about divorce affecting children. Often the children are the innocent ones that are most deeply affected whenever the parents got divorced. They have to made an unpopular choice of which parent they choose to stay with. They grow up with low self esteem and negative thoughts about marriage life in later years Hope parents will think twice before making any decision to go for divorce.

    1. Thank You Wesley

      I appreciate your comment on divorce, I do believe if parents would both be wiling to compromise many times marriages could be salvaged. In today’s society we are too free to leaving a marriage and starting a new relationship with another person, often this is not the answer.


  4. I am glad a came upon your site.

    I am going through a divorce now and wondered how it was going to effect my son. He seems ok, but I know there could be underlying problems developing.

    I’m sure children in a divorce are effected in different ways and divorcing parents need to take their children into consideration during the divorce.

    1. Thank You Chris

      I am sorry to hear you going through a divorce at this time in your life, the best advice I can give you for your son is whatever you and your ex does do not argue in front of your son about anything which involves him.


  5. Hi, I’m afraid I had a little cry when I read this article. I have 2 young boys who live with their father now and although I tried hard to not involve the boys in our arguments, the father wasn’t of the same mind. My younger lad has so many traits that you’ve described and has had to have therapy for his anger and is on medication to help him sleep.
    He seems a well adjusted young man but he has low self esteem and is always looking for reassurance.
    I wish I’d known about some of the resources you’ve listed earlier as I could have used these when he was younger, along with his brother, to help them work through their emotions earlier.
    On the upside though there are resoruces there I can use now he is approaching his teens and battling with hormones alongside eveything else.
    Thank you. I will definitely point anyone I know in the same postion to this site.

    1. Thank You Madsy5

      Trust me your not alone with sadness of the effects divorce has or had on your children, sadly many of us do not realize our children are being so emotionally effected. Children at times do not share their true feelings and keep them inside, this is what causes them the emotional problems from divorce.


  6. The effects of divorce on children you so eloquently discussed here are why I am still married. It is not an ideal marriage but we do provide our son with stability and rarely argue. I believe staying in my marriage has been best for him especially after seeing the destructive effects of divorce on the children in our extended family.

    I realize divorce cannot be avoided by some and I empathize. I do hope to divorce after my son is away and established in college. For now, my son is thriving and that is what is most important to me. ~Gina

    1. Thank You Gina

      You are not alone staying in your marriage for your son, I also stayed in my marriage even though it was very unhealthy for me. My ex abandoned me, lucky my three sons were pretty much grown up by then and it was no as an emotional drama for them.

      You know it is very emotional for a child to have to give up one of their parents to divorce, especially if both parents are close to the children.


  7. Hey there! I spent some time checking out your site, and wow! I think it is amazing that you created something like this to help others cope with the emotional distress of divorce and other things. I am a personal victim of going through a dark side of my family when my parents decided to divorce, and I was only 15 years old. I wish that I could have found this site back then, but that was almost 10 years ago. What an awesome creation you have here and I will definitely be looking into it more down the road, and I know I will also definitely recommend this site to any adolescents that I come across going through the emotional distress of this.

    1. Thank You Johnny

      I am happy my website is a place you wish to visit again, divorce does cause many emotional issues for children of all ages. Even though my sons were older, they still are seeking mom’s attention and love. She left us and had no contact with my sons for over 2 years, this still has scars for my sons.


  8. Hi Jeff,
    I know my daughter was deeply effected by my divorce with my ex-husband but it was something that had to be done. I held on as long as I could for her sake but the inevitable happened anyway. I was forced to leave because it was my ex’s father’s house and I had no where to bring my daughter so she stayed there safely at the home environment with her dad, her school, and friends and I went through some very tough times which I would not have wanted to put her through anyway. My daughter is grown now and she’s having anxiety problems. Although it turns out that we are the best of friends, I still have a lot of regrets on how things happened.

    1. Thank You Gina

      I do understand your situation, when things are too unhealthy for us in the environment we are living in the best solution is to get out while we can. Please share my website with your daughter, or even have her email me at

      If she ever needs someone to talk too, I am happy things did work out between you and your daughter.


  9. Hi and thanks for your insights about the effects of divorce on children. My parents never divorced wither, although my dad was a severe alcoholic. There was constant stress in our home. My mother finally just left after I graduated high school. My sister was already in college, and I was now ready to work full time. I can affirm to anyone, that the effects of a troubled home stays with you all you life. We sometimes learn to overcome most of the pain, but by that time, we’ve already made plenty of mistakes ourselves, because of our insecurities. Thanks and keep striving to educate and help people.

    1. Thank You Jim

      I am sorry to hear about your childhood, so many people live in bad home situations as children and it does effect them for the rest of their lives.

      Thanks for sharing


  10. Your article about how divorce affects children is so very true. My ex-husband and I divorced, the sad thing is their father no connection with them.

    I always tell my children it was his loss, but when I look into their eyes I can see the hurt.

    Very thought out article

    1. Thank You Jagi

      I appreciate your comments on my article, even when we do not realize it our children do suffer from divorce. My ex had no contact with my sons for several years after she left us, even today they go out of their way to get attention from her.


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