How Divorce Effects Children
Many times divorce effects children much more severely then anyone realizes, children are very emotional and such a dramatic experience can cause them many serious emotionally problems. Many time the arguing between the divorced couple in front of the children is a major trigger, especially so because the majority of the time these arguments are about the children in one way or another.
Anxiety & Depression
Believe it or not, the majority of children suffer mild to moderate anxiety and depression in the result of a divorce. This is a very dramatic change in a child or children’s lives, emotional dramatic experiences are a major trigger for both anxiety and depression. The arguing does not always cease after divorce between a couple, there is the financial stress of adjustment plus the couples often argue about things such as how often each parent has the children and how the children are raised.
When a couple are not getting along and are arguing most of the time about everything sadly divorce is more likely the best solution, your children more likely are experiencing anxiety and depression even before the divorce. My parents did not divorce despite how they argued and become very violent , especially my father would smash things in our home against the walls causing much anxiety in my life at a very early age. This was the dramatic experience which triggered my anxiety issues, I was always a very anxious child and very quiet afraid to speak out because at home my father would scream at me and to survive I learned not to talk any more then I absolutely had too.
How The Child Feels
Experiencing anxiety from my parents constant arguing and violence I understand how a child feels during this time, even though my parents never divorced legally. My father started working very long hours and the night shift, so in many ways my life felt like I was actually a divorced child. I rarely seen my father after he changed his work schedule and new lifestyle, even though this did solve the arguing and violence pretty much it did not relieve my anxiety levels. Some of the symptoms I experienced are:
Crying Myself To Sleep Most Nights
Grudge Against My Father
Low Self Esteem
Negative Thoughts & Feelings
Constant Worry & Fear
Divorced Child As An Adult
Many times sadly the divorced child grows up into an adult and experiences divorce themselves, all their anxiety issues just keeps becoming more severe as the years go by if they do not learn how to deal with them. History did repeat itself in my own life, I am divorced with three grown up sons. My ex abandoned me when my health become so severe I was unable to function physically or emotionally, my own bad marriage was another trigger in my life. My coping skill as a child and an adult was to be physically active enough to burn my anxiety away, when I lost this coping skill to my health problems I had no way to cope any longer and hit rock bottom.
Helping Your Child
Before you can help your child you have to know your child is in need of help, many times the child is keeping all their thoughts, feelings and fears inside and this is the main reason their anxiety and depression issues become so severe later in their lives. Looking for signs of changes in your child’s behavior is your best clue something is wrong with your child,
Change in Personality
Isolates In Their Bedroom More Then Usually
Anything Not Normal & Unhealthy For Your Child
Loss Of Interests
Divorce is an extremely dramatic emotional experience for all involved, many times the parents are hurting so much they may not notice their child is not acting like themselves. Often people presume time will heal everyone involved in the divorce family, often this is not the case and it does effect the child later in adult life. Like any relationship good communication between the parents and the child is a must, both parents love their child or children with all their heart and most of the damage is not intentionally from either party. I hope these resources will help anyone going through a divorce at this time with children, there are also adult workbooks available to recover and move on after divorce.